Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
a search helicopter?!
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Is Oprah even human
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
