John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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