dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
