her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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