She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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