how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
