i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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