ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
