buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
