Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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