Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
