I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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