I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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