Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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