Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
