I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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