i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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