Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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