So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
