Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
