Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
