can we get nightvision for the apartment?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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