i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
