You just made me feel so damn special
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
