I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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