you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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