It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I understand Curling. That high.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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