how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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