New invention idea: vibrating tampons
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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