i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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