She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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