If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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