Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
