she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
