i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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