I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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