She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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