I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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