I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
