I'm really into asian looking animals
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
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