She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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