She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
