he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
