I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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