Plan B is the new Plan A
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
