half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
