i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
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