my mouth tastes like poor choices
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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