I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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