So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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