why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
