I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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