another moral hangover. fuck.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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