HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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