Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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