why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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